For The Love Of Chips.

Truth telling and frustrations.

I feel like I have been in a constant struggle with my weight since I have had my daughters.

My truth is, I have come to hate dieting...I have tried too many and they all seem to backfire. Lose five pounds....gain an extra 2 back.

I LOVE food and potato chips are my downfall. They get me every damn time.

But I also hate when my jeans get too tight and my clothes don’t fit right and this, how do I say it nicely- not so flattering tube like thing sits around my waist. Yikes! If you have it, you know what I'm talking about.

I mean...I did have twins. They tell me my stomach grew to 51cm, I could have easily toppled over at the end of my 36 week pregnancy, so maybe I should give myself a break.

But the thing about being a woman in her 40’s....this weight thing seems to creep up a little faster and definitely does not come off like it did in the past. No fair! For me, I can honestly say, I have recently put on an extra 10 pounds, on top of the extra 8 pounds I learned to accept after I had my girls.....and I have no idea where it came from-It's definitely not from my beloved potato chips that may or may have been loaded with onion dip...right?

For years, I have found myself going between wanting to look a certain way and learning to accept my post twin baby figure. Those marks on my skin, are a beautiful reminder of what my body created.

Sometimes I’m really great at working out, Orangetheory is my mental vice.. but sometimes I miss an entire month, because life happens, and if I am really being honest, sometimes living with anxiety kicks me in the ass and leaves me down on the ground for a bit, but that's for another time.

So here I am, back to working out and trying to eat right. I even joined an 8 week transformation challenge....because-WHY NOT!

So, as I’m laying here-all stuck in my head, and trying to will myself to drink another glass of water....I come across a picture taken by 9 year old and stop and pause. Oh.....

I stop to remind myself- I am raising girls.

I am a soccer coach of girls.

I am the first to tell a girl or another woman how beautiful she is.

I understand how important it is to not talk about weight, and body image in front of these young eyes. Yet here I am.....

Kindness to self, right? Busted again!

ENOUGH OF FEELING BAD ALREADY!

Bottom line, I need to start seeing myself the same way as my daughters see me and accept and love myself as I am today. Right now.

Yes. I may have squeezed myself into those jeans yesterday and the weight may continue to come and go but my heart stays the same.

And the truth for me is....raising kids is damn hard and life can feel overwhelming and well, sometimes those chips make the stressful days just a little easier to handle.

So ladies, I’m saying this out loud for me and anyone else who needs the reminder -we need to stop being so hard and judgmental with ourselves! No matter what, we should always feel beautiful in our own skin. True Beauty radiates from within, we know this!

But we are human too.

So when those images flash before our eyes, day in and day out, screaming what beauty is "supposed" to look like, sometimes those negative thoughts win. We know what they are doing to us.... now lets think about our girls....and our boys.

Let's make a conscious choice to stay committed to loving ourselves for us and our daughters, our sons and all the amazing little people around us.

I’m staying positive about this transformation challenge. Actually, I really love that it's not called a weight loss challenge. Way to go Orangetheory!

The scale for some becomes the enemy, it does not work for me.

I have a week under my belt, and while I look the same, I am very aware of the changes I have made.....not only with food (going gluten free has started to heal the eczema on my hands) and exercise (anxiety is slipping away) but with a new sense of awareness of how I feel about myself.....about making the choice to be present and to stop judging myself so harshly. I'm also committing to stop using the word weight loss and diet. This is about self-love and kindness-for myself-first. Will you join me?

Transformation results to follow.