All you should ever have to be is yourself.
Wild hair, makeup free-ready to collapse in bed....attempting to make my daughters laugh as I show them my version of a selfie.
They would think I’m embarrassing for sharing a picture like this for people to see.
More the reason to do it-this is me!
My three girls, ages 13 and 9 (twins), are navigating through some tough challenges lately.
The Momming of girls is becoming pretty real at the moment!
Each one is feeling some sort of internal heartache...and questions of friendship, feeling alone, left out, unnoticed, confused, insecure and hearing other girls whisper and talk behind each other’s back is becoming an all too common theme.
This house of 4 girls is about unity and acceptance and love for each other....so it’s sometimes hard to live in the outside world where an experience can feel-well...different.
As moms we hate seeing our babies hurting. How often do we want to fix or take away their discomfort? Their pain becomes our pain, their hurt, becomes our hurt-Mama Bears Unite!
But-what if, by pushing away or trying to remove their pain, we are just stealing away their ability to process hurt and discomfort?
We so badly want to see our children happy-free of worries and sadness but without giving them the ability to understand and feel those feelings and emotions, we cheat them of growth and the feeling of a deeper connection within themselves.
This morning, as one of my daughters confided in me, with tears in her eyes, revealing her pain, I just listened to her words instead of trying to fix her feelings. My hand reached for hers, my eyes looked lovingly into her eyes and I quietly whispered, I’m sorry for your pain. I gently kissed her forehead, she wiped her tears away, got out of the car and walked into school.
Her pain was my pain.
All I could do was envision my love surrounding her and guiding her to see, that all she ever has to be, is herself. That by choosing to be herself, on her terms, for her heart, is more important than the feeling of popularity and attention from those who have no interest in learning who she really is inside.
Yes, this moment is real for her...for them. Popularity to girls at this age feels so important-and many kids let it become part of defining who they are.
The word alone makes me cringe every time I hear it.....but I also remember my own experiences in school, choices that were made and how important that felt to so many of us when we were young.
If only they knew, it means nothing in the big picture of life.
My daughters don’t realize it yet but understanding their pain is easy for me to do. I have moments where I feel many of the same things they are feeling.
I suppose, through time and growth and learning to sit with my own heartache, I have learned, that self-love and kindness for ourselves must always come first. Having the courage to see yourself for who you are and trusting yourself enough to follow your heart is one of the most important acts of love we can do for ourselves.
People will come and go from your life....friendships change, new ones are created and as long as you shine your light as brightly as you can, the right people will stay....and the others who are meant to, will find you. They will love you, cheer for you, guide you through the ups and downs of life, lend a hand without question and never judge or make you feel less than the beautiful soul you are created to be.
Is this the answer my daughters are ready to hear? Probably not. They are learning, exploring, and will have to find their way as they go. As their mom, the best thing to offer, is guidance and love and open arms when they need it the most. And in time, as they grow, they will begin to see and understand that all you ever have to be in this world is yourself.